“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell
Ethan was born a beautiful, healthy baby boy and it wasn't until 16 months old that we started to notice he didn't seem to be developing as he should be. For a long time I wanted to listen to the people who told me everything was fine, they develop at different rates and maybe it's his ears. But I knew he was showing more and more traits of Autism. When I compared him with other children his age I could see the contrast in development so I avoided playgroups and placed him in a controlled world of mostly him and I where I didn't have to explain his behaviour. I didn't have to explain why he couldn't communicate or why he flapped his arms and squealed. I didn't have to explain why everything had to be on the floor and placed in a particular way and why he got so distressed if you touched it. I avoided the shops because it was too upsetting and even leaving the house became difficult when he decided he would only be carried. The good diet he had turned into dry, beige finger foods no matter what I tried to get it back. Every plan and routine crashed and burnt until I accepted that life has to be lived on Ethan's terms no matter how much I feel like I'm failing. Cookies aren't the breakfast of champions but they're better than nothing. An 11pm bedtime isn't the 7pm I'd planned but atleast he's sleeping through. The hardest thing is that he's so vulnerable and that I don't know what he will and won't be capable of but I'm learning to be grateful for the smallest progression or achievement. Above all I know that he's a wonderful, happy, healthy boy who is adored and with the right help he'll get there in the end :)
Birmingham, AL
