“Goodnight, Benson! I love you, boy,” I'd said to my hamster. It was the last thing I said out loud for the next 24 hours.
I decided to go non-verbal for a day. While I’m on the autism spectrum myself, I’ve always been verbal. I wanted to get a glimpse of what it might be like not to be able to speak, as some others on the spectrum experience. Of course, choosing not to talk isn’t exactly the same thing as being completely non-verbal. It was the closest I could think to get, however.
And I made it pretty easy on myself. I didn’t have to work. I didn’t have any important appointments or phone calls to make. I was thinking it would be a really simple Saturday. I was wrong.
I posted online:
“Just a few hours into my day of not speaking, and I'm already getting frustrated. I miss making sound. I want to hear my own voice. Speaking has now turned into this kind of art-form, and it's as though I'm not allowed to create.”
A friend came over to help me clean my room, and then we went out to a store. I posted:
"Finished cleaning my room with a friend. It was really hard! Afterward I went out to the store with her wearing a sign. I've learned that it's easier just not to try sometimes. I won't have a voice, but at least I won't be frustrated as much. It's such a feeling of hopelessness though."
“My non-verbal day isn't halfway over, and already I've 10x more respect for non-verbal people. Yes, my life is hard. But I can't imagine having to grow up this way and live it every day. I totally understand why many people use physical communication (grabbing, pulling, pushing, etc.). I know it's not acceptable, but it's a LOT easier than using an AAC. And when you're already frustrated, you want whatever is easiest.”
By the end of the day, I went to say goodnight to my hamster…and realized I couldn’t. I blew him a kiss and went to bed.
West Chester, PA
