On Halloween, two years ago, my son, Leo was diagnosed with Autism. I woke up that morning fully expecting that my 3 year old would receive an Autism Diagnosis. But nothing can really prepare a parent for those words- for what those words mean for you and your child. For the fear that overcomes you in that moment. I wish I could revisit that moment- if only to alleviate some of that fear. I wish I could tell myself that although Leo has Autism, it will never be what defines him. That Autism, while challenging and frustrating, and at times painful, does not have to be scary.
My son dressed as a pilot that evening. We went trick-or-treating, and I watched as he squealed with delight seeing his bucket fill with his favorite assortment of candy. I beamed with pride seeing my boy bravely walk up to each new person on route to collect his goody; knowing just how difficult this was for him. I remember feeling relief that night walking from house to house with Leo among the crowd of other children. Relief, that even if only for this evening, he could, in a way, blend in. That for tonight, he was my little airline pilot; not the little boy with Autism, who was about to be propelled into a whole new world of constant assessments, and hours of therapy sessions. I've learned so much since that Halloween- about Autism, about how to help my child. I've learned that Leo certainly does not blend in, nor should I want or expect him to. He is special and unique in so many beautiful ways, and I will always be proud of him for that.
This year on Halloween, and each year after, I will think about the moment I was told my son has Autism, and the fear and sadness that swept over me. I will never allow those feelings to consume me again. Those emotions are real, and valid, but there is no room for them now in our lives. I will focus on Leo, and his incredible joy.
Stafford, VA
